We here at Rah-brrr Ch-ik-can Car-duhs loughve tew lyarn! We owe it all to "Hooked On PhonicsÂ© Which is why we LUV to create Rubber Chicken Graduation Cards just for YOU! Ah, jeez, we're Communications majors, are we even making sense?! Our Rubber Chicken Graduation cards DO! And you should send out RCC Graduation Cards to all your current, soon to be or eventually-sometime-in-the-hopefully-not-too-distant-future graduates. And we really mean: RIGHT NOW! 'Cuz we're just working here 'til we complete our GED... then we're OUTTA HERE! We're gonna form a bitchin' rock band and we're gonna practice in our Mom's basement! You'll see! We're gonna BE somebody!
We here at RCC (Rubber Chicken Cards, duh!) celebrate education itself. And for those of you born after 1965, "ed-u-ca-tion" was something most people, at least in the U.S. (United States), had free access to, with the goal being INCREASING something called "literacy". We know that does sound like socialism, doesn't it?! Oh, wait, we meant to say, "Barrac-kunism"! Or are we now supposed to call it, "Obama-ilism"?! We don't know any more, guess we should ask President Bachmann (oh snap! That's right, people still say "snap" in our distopic future)!
Rest easy, you have your diploma (even if it's just an email attachment) firmly in hand! And now you're thoroughly equipted to tackle the world head-on! And now that EVERY public school has have been privatized, er, we meant to call it, "charter-ified". Sorry, Vice-President Honey Boo Boo (distopic, remember?)! We can now all rest easy in the knowledge that "no corporation has been left behind"! Besides, book-learnin' over-rated, yee ha! Let's go gator huntin' instead! Oh, wait... we can't now that we're already late to our second, part-time, low-wage "career"! Congrats on gratuating, btw! Long live the "Job Creators"! Right, Frank Luntz(look it up)?!
SOME people (and by that, we mean: us and most importantly,YOU!) still RESPECT education as a life-long pursuit. We, for one, feel we can NEVER be "too" informed! That's why we ONLY watch Fox NewsÂ® "They distort, You decide!" Fox is the Tea Party's "PBS"(look it up)!
We, like you, get quite irrate when the process of learning itself becomes soo disrespected that it's treated merely as another commodity: produced as cheaply as possible, emphasising quantity over quality! Did we mention we never finished our online studies at Debbie Dootson's "School" of TruckingÂ© ? It was too hard, and besides, we didn't have a fast enough internet connection! And we always kept getting distracted 'cuz we're always searching online for porn... er, we meant, "content"! Like they got on that WebMDÂ© ... or XtubeÂ® Okay, that's redundant (look it up)! Did we mention that we're very proud that you graduated!? Now how about you send out some of our cards, huh? Please?
We applaud you, you wise and wonderful new Graduate you! For completing your goals! For investing in your education! We made these Rubber Chicken Graduation Cards to commemorate your achievements! Send them, collect them, horde them! Even as the interest on the very thing you couldn't afford to pay for (school) DOUBLES every four or six years... you can think about THAT later! Now it's your GRADUATION DAY, so let's celebrate! Yipee, it's ALL GOOD! Oh, look the government just bailed out a few more banks and airline industries while we weren't looking... huh, you'd think their first priority would have been to forgive all student loans! (pause) Okay, guess the show's over! Time we get back to work!
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