Always on the 4th Sunday in October, suspiciously close to Halloween, Mother In Law's Day is a real thing. And we made animated greeting cards especially for it, so OBVIOUSLY it must be a real thing, otherwise why would a reputable company such as we are, take the time to make a card honoring it?! That's called, "Scientific Reasoning", or more accurately, "Redacted Logic"! The truth is, we're not completely sure WHAT it's called, because so much of what we got through the Freedom of Information Act that was supposed to have explained it all to us, has been blacked-out by the NSA. But, be that as it may, just send our cards out to all the mothers-in-laws in your life, simply because it's a nice thing to do and they'll thank you for being so thoughtful.
Send her a Rubber Chicken Mother-In-Law's Day card, it's the perfect way to tell the OTHER important mom in your life that you appreciate her! Think of it as "relationship insurance". It works like this: a little "TLC" from you now (in the form of her receiving a RCC Mother-In-Law's Day card from you) will smooth over any possible future tensions between you and her... should such a situation EVER arise. Not that you'd EVER have tension in YOUR relationships, we are just PROJECTING our own insecurities onto others. Our psychoanalyst suggested we start doing that more... and he's a terrible person, btw! Now send our Mother-In -Law's Day cards out! Otherwise, we'll start talking smack about YOU! Sorry, we didn't mean that. We apologize. Our same analyst also suggested we start lashing out and expressing irrational hostility towards those we care most about. We TOLD YOU he's a terrible therapist, but he's our father-in-law, so whaddaya gonna do? Please send out our RCC Mother-in-law Day cards... pretty please?!
Yikes! WE made THAT mistake once. ONCE! And we still get grief from her about it. Sheesh, talk about "holding a grudge!" So send her a Rubber Chicken Mother-In-Law's Day Card instead. It'll be appreciated and more importantly, it's MUCH SAFER than sending her a Groupon, or ANY gift certificate, for that matter! In our own defense, the Groupon SAID it was good for an hour long massage and it was supposed to be with a reputable company. Which, had we received it as a "Child-In-Law's Day" gift, we ourselves would have been very grateful to have received it. But, "hindsight's 50/50" as THEY say... at least that's what our Father-in-law / therapist always says... Anyway, how were WE supposed to know the Groupon for the massage we gave our mother-in-law was actually a front for a house of ill-repute run by drug-crazed, Russian Mafia Zombies and she barely escaped with her life?! TRUE story, we gave them a bad Yelp review! Our mother-in-law is FINE, they barely bit into her. Luckily the bottoms of her feet are thickly calloused because she walks so much wearing sandals and that makes the bottoms of her feet VERY difficult to bit through! And, the OTHER good thing was that we had given her a Groupon for a MASSAGE and not a MANICURE because her hands are very soft because she almost NEVER walks on her hands wearing sandals! Anyway, the important thing to take away from this true story is: our mother-in-law is FINE! The strung-out, zombie Russian mafia masseurs didn't even break the skin on the bottoms of her thickly-calloused feet. BUT, most important of all: we now ONLY give her Rubber Chicken Mother-In-Law's Day cards! Because, as we said earlier, RCC Mother-In-Law cards are MUCH SAFER than giving her another Groupon! And she appreciates getting Rubber Chicken Mother-In-Law's Day cards more too. Well, she appreciates getting them more than almost having her feet bitten into by drug-crazed, un-dead, Russian mafiosi! And YOUR mother-in-law will TOO! How's THAT for a sales slogan?! "Rubber Chicken Mother-in-law's Day Cards, They're Better than Being Bitten by Black-market Zombie Massage MuscovitesÂ©!" Did you notice the copyright symbol after that? Please send her our card on Mother-In-Law's Day.
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